Sunday, August 08, 2004

Because i really need to write and am not having much success at it, I started to look at some past stuff and try to sort out the stuff that didn't suck and figure out what makes it different from the stuff that does. in the process of that i decide to tag some of that non-sucking stuff for future use. I don't really edit any of this stuff so there still typos ang spelling/capitalization irregularities there. but here it is
more or less with the newest stuff on top.




my kids rock


fuel to air ratios are critical


the 9/11 post that to this day is the largest source of readers.


heroes


appaloosa's


I knew tim. not well but i did know him.


molly


gotta love che


apparently i thought binladen was a threat before 9/11


things you probably don't need to know about me


this one is deeply personal but not well structured.


duty loyalty responsibility. don't get them mixed up


karma and cars


on why young girls are trouble


on why my children don't go to zoos


On why I am no longer an ecoterrorist


bad planeride from many moons ago.


This is a piece on why I choose the people i surround myself with very carefully



This was a description ofwhy my resume was hard to write four years ago.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

This weekend some friends took me away to the adirondacks. It is taking several days to realize just how incredibly wonderful this has been. In basically two and a half days I rode across the state (you know there aren't many other states where you can drive five hours and still be in the middle of the same state) slept in a beautiful cabin on secluded mountain lake, climbed a mountain(albeit a small one), hiked to a waterfall, ate wild raspberries, got rained on, enjoyed a thunderstorm, fished, blasted around in a whaler, swam in open water, sunbathed in the company of beautiful women, read several hundred pages of a Neal Stephenson novel, rode in a wrx in four wheel drift mode down a secluded gravel road, hiked to a hunting lodge, scoped out several jeep trails, and cooked sausage on an open fire. All this was accomplished at a very relaxed pace and mostly without shoes.

This has left me with a series of realixations that were probably obvious on their face but just the same needed some outside force to get me to notice.


I have a much higher quality of friends than most people. I have very few of them but they are just plain better people.

i need to start writing again. It is a hard habit to get back into, but I am happier and better balanced when I am.

Having a job is seriously interfering with my lifestyle. That shit is going to have to go and soon.

I am going to have to do something about getting a girlfriend soon. It has just been too long and bad options are starting to be tempting.



All in all time very well spent and a pretty substantial to do list.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004


smile to a cheekbone

beauty tied in transition

eyes to eyes look down

a perfect ear turns to a

perfectly kissable neck



graceful arc of spine

becomes shapely sway of hips

then, stunning bottom

a flash of belly pulls eyes

one butterfly hints darkly



open toed shoes next call

nails to arch to heel calf

eyes sweep. exhale. stop.

every single line pleases

each curve perfect in its place









Monday, May 10, 2004

It has been a very eventful weekend. I started it off by listening to the news for the first time in weeks. I listened to Senator McCain try to drag rumsfeld over the coals.Rummy just ignored the question and then outright lied. McCain didn't even know how to respond to that. you'd think that somewhere in the back of rummy's mind this would have been there. I mean John is on the house armed services committee and chances are pretty good that he'll have some strong opinions on torturing prisoners of war. you might want to be prepared to answer the one question that he told all the news services he'd ask.


then I had to go to see my two oldest boys play baseball. They are starting little league. It meant that I would have to go out and deal with both my exwife and her boyfriend. the same boyfriend who stole her away from the last boyfriend by buying her expensive things. the most recentof which is a house. yes a house. at the game in full public view and most definitely in my view she kissed him at least three times. this is notable only because if I had while still married to her attempted to kiss her in public I would have been scolded quite publicly for trying to make her an "object" and then cut off from any physical affection (I am not talking withdrawal of sex I mean no hugs even) for several days. Evidently you can treat her like an object if you buy expensive enough presents first.

then Saturday morning I got pulled over by a local sheriff's deputy. He was totally freaked out and had a gun on me and couldn'r figure out how to get me out of the car while i had my hands out the window but my seat belt still on. the real trouble with all this was that my four year old was in the back seat watching all this and getting very upset. so while the young and obviously mentally troubled sheriff had me in cuffs and threw me into the back of his car, my son freaked out a bit but quite smartly kept his seat belt on. Eventually the shithead's superior officer showed up with a couple other officers. the calmed the moron down and two of them went to calm my son down while the cheese got me out of the car and cuffs. eventally I wound up with a ticket for no front plate(which I was guilty of but had no clue was a crime) and was let go. Afer some conversaion with my uncle who is a captain of the police in the city(I unfortunately live in the town)I learned that the sheriff's department does no psychological testing pre entry or indeed while on the job. even after an incident like this. Now i know that as a white male I should have nothing to fear from the average police officer. But the bruises and cuts on my wrists from sat morningare nice and purple still and I can't help but recall that every single official contact I'v ever had with police has gone like this. I know enough police to know that they aren't all dangerously unstable shitbirds. But it only takes one like this to spoil it. So I have once again Sarted thinking about earlier projects. There should be some way for ordinary citizens to if not defend themselves from pigs like that at least keep track of their abuses so they can eventually remove them.


then to top off the weekend after safely returning all my children to their mother on mother's day. I went to work and for my first job proceeded to drill through some Lovely single mom's 200 amp power service and set fire to her house. I wound up there for over nine hours, what with having to arrange for eletricians to come out and repair the power feed on mother' day, and having to buy them lunch cuz they had no power to cook with plus actually having to do the job. She was amazingy reasonable, pleasant, and beautiful. which makes the whole thing even worse. This is a girl I would actually date. After setting fire to her house, how do you ask a woman out? A much younger me would probably just have asked her out right then and there. Instead the me now muffed everything. At the end of the ordeal she wanted to give me a hug. A really nice hug. which I probably didn't reciprocate properly. But i did at least give her my phone number and told her that she could come to my house on father's day and set fire to something.


hell of weekend

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

I went to see Hank Williams III. On Valentines Day. I bought the tickets with the intention of wallowing. I didn't expect to do the opposite. But then things seldom turn out the way you plan.

He played at Mohawk Place. The closest thing to a honky tonk in Buffalo. although to be honest it is really more of a dive bar. It's a good venue for this kind of thing.

Hank was touring this time with his country band and assjack. The country set was spectacular. he played the songs I wanted to hear and played one of his grandpa's songs that you just don't hear anywhere. It really is creepy how much he looks and sounds like his grandpa. the transition set was exactly the kind of agressive music you would expect of someone who calls his music hellbilly. The assjack set was just good solid thrash metal.

the most interesting thing was that I didn't feellike wallowing at all once i got there. In fact i felt alright for the first time in a long while. I felt ready to start looking again. and i knew exactly what i wanted. I had no idea how to start but I at least i knew what i wanted and that Idid want it. life is so much easier with a target.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Alright, so the links at the side aren't all working yet. The archives are functional. The reading list got lost and has to be drawn up from scratch.
That takes time.
I do have time but quite a lot of it is spoken for by other things and people. I'll get there eventually. The about me page is gone also. Most everything that was there is wrong or changed now. I am not sure what to do about that. That will take more than just time. It will take some deep introspection, something i have too much time for these days.

the results of that introspection will mostly be posted here. If you know me in meatspace that type of stuff generally gets held back. It won't be here. So be careful what you read here. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but I'm not going to put limits on my self because of who may or may not be reading. That kind of crap is why i stopped writing here in the first place.

The stuff in the archives is unchanged. Typos, bad grammar, and old feelings are all still there for you to peruse, even if i don't feel like that anymore. I find it interesting to look through them and see what i was thinking about at a particular time. The quality of posts, like me and most other things, is pretty variable. there is a decided turn towards lower quality posts after9/11/01, but not for the obvious reasons. I made some far reaching and, in retrospect, less that great life decisions two days before that and the fallout took quite a long while to manifest itself. Anyway read them if you're curious. go away if you're not.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Today's recommended meditation from the sufi order is "it is disclosure of one's own spirit that unveils all things"

In that vein and to that end I am back blogging. There have been many moons and not a few events in between the last post and this one. Some of which I will eventually write about. Disclose even. But not today. Today it is good enough to be back.

Sunday, April 14, 2002

there is a game people play in which they try to come up with two word search queries that return exactly one page from google. that is pretty much the only explanation i have for this referral.
however i suspect that there are several other two word queries that could be mined from my stuff. if this is a game you play you could have a ringer here.

Thursday, April 11, 2002

those of you who are regular readers know of my great love for AG Ashcroft. but this little ditty just goes too far. I can live with the FBI prayer meetings. But songwriting should really be left to talented folk.

please god don't let it get into top forty

Saturday, April 06, 2002

My oldest boy is six. He's a basically good kid if a little too smart for his maturity. he's about average size for a six year old boy.

He positively adores my wife's best friend's daughters. They are nine and six. Beautiful girls. also a little too smart for their own good. There are endless stories I could tell about this particular combination, but the one I am gonna tell today is important because it is the first time he's been involved in non familial fisticuffs.

Due to certain listening impairments on my wife's part, a situation occured where my whole family showed up at her best friend's house a couple hours before the actual birthday party we were there for. the end result of this was that I got to take the above combination of children to the library, and then the the mcdonald's in town with the playplace.

the library was uneventful but pleasant. getting food was surprisingly straightforward. they even ate without too much fuss. they were slightly pissed when they saw the place start to fill up with older kids while they were eating but still ate their food.

At this point i should mention that this particular play place has a fairly large ball pit located inside the actuall tunnel parts. it is very difficult for parents to actually observe what is going on in there. You can hear pretty well but to see you actually have to walk up to the container and peer through one of the holes. which is kind of a creepy thing to see a grown man doing when you think about it. I have three boys who usually travel in a pack and so i don't even think to worry about what goes on in there. It would take some pretty brave older kids to mess with the combined might of my three.

About five minutes into their playing the six year old girl comes out. she says "papa three, there are some big boys throwing the balls really hard at me in the pit" Don't ask why she cals me that it's a long story. suffice it to say that she is definitley not my child but i would be proud if she was.

"would you like me to go yell at them?" it's about all I can do from outside and it is probably going to be ridiculously ineffective"

" no" she says as if i was just the biggest dumbass on the planet.

I reply "look you really should ask (insert my son's name here) to ask them to stop it"
she light's up with a big smile and goes back into the tunnel system.

A few moments later I hear my son's voice. He is using the tone that Luke Skywalker uses on Jabba the Hut in return of the Jedi. He's been practicing that voice on his brothers. "I would like you to stop throwing the balls at my friends."
THWAP! I hear a ball being thrown very hard at something fleshy.
Again, "I mean it. I would like you to stop throwing the balls."
THAP! ThUNK! WaaaaaaaaH!
some scurrying and out pops the twelve year old bully, crying and sans glasses. runs out to his parents table. his fourteen year old sister later comes in to retrieve his glasses. she does so quietly.

In the car on the way to the girl's house I asked what happened with mean boys.
the nine year old answers " Oh (insert my son's name here) asked them to stop."

I look at her six year old sister "Is that true?"

"yup"

I look at my son with the round red spot on his face exactly the size of one of the balls from the pit and decide not to ask him. I know he did the right thing but am not sure I want to praise him for the violence. Ignoring it seems the best plan.

Friday, April 05, 2002

I wish that these really worked. Not for the reason that most dorks who want one wish they were real, but because I would like the ability to carry a sword concealed like a do knives. and since canes have been unfashionable for quite some time I don't currently have too many options.

Friday, March 29, 2002

would you buy an internet lottery card from North Korea? if so please contact me at this email address. I have a much better deal for you.

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

Our wonderful federal government want us to believe that they can put together a system to track whether people on student visa's have left the country. At present they can't even seem to keep track of the ones who died on the front page.

Wednesday, February 27, 2002

in the spirit of making sure your own house is clean before making accusations the UN 'fesses up. now if only the Catholic Church would hold itself to the same standard.

Saturday, February 16, 2002

Some further thoughts on the subject of antivirus software.

My windows box was recently colonized by a nastly little virus/trojan. I detailed the trials and tribulations of its detection and removal here. I won't reiterate the specifics here but the summary is that ten different Antivirus Vendors failed to locate it and the one who did locate it failed to remove it EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD THE VIRUS LISTED IN THEIR DATABASE!!

Here is what i found out about the antivirus industry. They use performance measuring tools that are just as rigged and self-referential as the rest of the world's industries. That is to say the tests are set up in such a way to allow as many of them as possible to claim 100 per cent detection.

What many of the providers use as a benchmark is the WildList. a list of viri found in the wild by list contributors. The contributors happen to be almost entirely Antiviral Software Vendors. The list contains only viri that the contributors have reported in the last month. It is not very hard to see where this leads. As your software fails to detect the virus it'll drop off the WildList just as surely as if it gets caught and eliminated.

As a virus producer what you could do is release your first version of the virus. let it out there and let it get on the list and drop off the list. then do your upgrades and add the really threatening features like slipping past the major vendor AVS and Firewalls. the vendors won't detect it as still happening and will do no further development against the virus. then you too can have a trojan that is completely unchecked and very potentially dangerous.

I say potentially because much like guns and explosives these thing are really only dangerous in the hands of a person. However unlike guns and explosives it is very difficult to imagine legitimate uses for this. However I have no difficulty imagining illegitimate uses for this.

for instance imagine you are a high school kid that is having trouble with one of your teachers. it could be real or imagined trouble. You're a teenager, who can tell the difference. you decide to get even. and then some. You do a little deft social engineering to get his email address. fake up some email address(isn't hotmail wonderful?)and send an email with an attachment some inoccuous looking thing. His Antivirus software proclaims it safe so he goes ahead and looks at it. Blammo, you're in now.

his machine icq's you everytime he's got it turned on and online, and each such opportunity you pack his hard drive full of kiddie porn. you uninstall the software. Then you go to the police in your small town. you tell them about how he made you stay after class and tried to get you to come to his house and see some "very special" pictures he had on his computer. Tell then that he tried to touch you. That should be enough to get a warrant. once they have possesion of the computer it's pretty much all over for him. he will spend an incredibly unpleasant time behind bars. you walk away scot free.

Now in this instance the virus is not actually the danger, the person is. but it illustrates that the danger of a trojan is not low as the Antivirus software people would have you think is is. they are actually the highest security risk of all the types out there. they are especially high as many of them are designed specifically to foil the security software that the majority of people(who use anything) use to protect themselves. It is my contention that these software providers are selling a false sense of security. They protect themselves with various sorts of disclaimers, but in the end they just don't seem to protect against even known viruses/trojans/etc. that well and not at all against new stuff.

A few weeks ago there was some concern about whether the major vendors would act in collusion with the FBI and not detect their magic lantern trojan. As it turns out I don't think they need to bother developing such things there are already plenty out there that slide right by now, with no collusion needed.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

Not fot the tolkien literal word of god types.
Funny
Funny
Funny
Funny
Funny
Funny
Funny

Thursday, January 31, 2002

in case you were looking for a gaelic/hawaiian dictionary. this seems to be an early attempt at just such a thing

Friday, January 25, 2002

now here's a summer camp for the whole family
now here's a summer camp for the whole family

Thursday, January 17, 2002

All you never wanted to know about semiconductors presented in the worst possible manner