there is a game people play in which they try to come up with two word search queries that return exactly one page from google. that is pretty much the only explanation i have for this referral.
however i suspect that there are several other two word queries that could be mined from my stuff. if this is a game you play you could have a ringer here.

those of you who are regular readers know of my great love for AG Ashcroft. but this little ditty just goes too far. I can live with the FBI prayer meetings. But songwriting should really be left to talented folk.

please god don't let it get into top forty

My oldest boy is six. He's a basically good kid if a little too smart for his maturity. he's about average size for a six year old boy.

He positively adores my wife's best friend's daughters. They are nine and six. Beautiful girls. also a little too smart for their own good. There are endless stories I could tell about this particular combination, but the one I am gonna tell today is important because it is the first time he's been involved in non familial fisticuffs.

Due to certain listening impairments on my wife's part, a situation occured where my whole family showed up at her best friend's house a couple hours before the actual birthday party we were there for. the end result of this was that I got to take the above combination of children to the library, and then the the mcdonald's in town with the playplace.

the library was uneventful but pleasant. getting food was surprisingly straightforward. they even ate without too much fuss. they were slightly pissed when they saw the place start to fill up with older kids while they were eating but still ate their food.

At this point i should mention that this particular play place has a fairly large ball pit located inside the actuall tunnel parts. it is very difficult for parents to actually observe what is going on in there. You can hear pretty well but to see you actually have to walk up to the container and peer through one of the holes. which is kind of a creepy thing to see a grown man doing when you think about it. I have three boys who usually travel in a pack and so i don't even think to worry about what goes on in there. It would take some pretty brave older kids to mess with the combined might of my three.

About five minutes into their playing the six year old girl comes out. she says "papa three, there are some big boys throwing the balls really hard at me in the pit" Don't ask why she cals me that it's a long story. suffice it to say that she is definitley not my child but i would be proud if she was.

"would you like me to go yell at them?" it's about all I can do from outside and it is probably going to be ridiculously ineffective"

" no" she says as if i was just the biggest dumbass on the planet.

I reply "look you really should ask (insert my son's name here) to ask them to stop it"
she light's up with a big smile and goes back into the tunnel system.

A few moments later I hear my son's voice. He is using the tone that Luke Skywalker uses on Jabba the Hut in return of the Jedi. He's been practicing that voice on his brothers. "I would like you to stop throwing the balls at my friends."
THWAP! I hear a ball being thrown very hard at something fleshy.
Again, "I mean it. I would like you to stop throwing the balls."
THAP! ThUNK! WaaaaaaaaH!
some scurrying and out pops the twelve year old bully, crying and sans glasses. runs out to his parents table. his fourteen year old sister later comes in to retrieve his glasses. she does so quietly.

In the car on the way to the girl's house I asked what happened with mean boys.
the nine year old answers " Oh (insert my son's name here) asked them to stop."

I look at her six year old sister "Is that true?"

"yup"

I look at my son with the round red spot on his face exactly the size of one of the balls from the pit and decide not to ask him. I know he did the right thing but am not sure I want to praise him for the violence. Ignoring it seems the best plan.

I wish that these really worked. Not for the reason that most dorks who want one wish they were real, but because I would like the ability to carry a sword concealed like a do knives. and since canes have been unfashionable for quite some time I don't currently have too many options.