The dirty little secret of the haughtily named Buffalo-Niagara Falls International Airport is that it's actually in Cheektowaga, the armpit of the Universe. During my THREE HOUR layover in Detroit Metro, I had ample time to reflect on this little factoid. I had the opportunity to wait with about 20 FOPs returning from pissing away their social security in the glorious city of Las Vegas. If you have never spent any time in Cheektowaga it is hard to describe my excitement at this prospect. Never the less, I shall attempt to elucidate for you.

Cheektowaga is a Seneca word that we might know the meaning of if we hadn't shortsightedly slaughtered all of the people who speak it. Cheektowaga has more Polish-speaking people than does Warsaw. Cheektowaga has the largest community of Yemenis outside North, South, East, West, Inner, Outer, Greater,and Lesser Yemen. Cheektowaga has Western New York's largest mall built on a swamp. Less than a year after it was built there wasn't a right angle in the place. Apparently no one in Cheektowaga speaks enough English to protest something this foolish. In Cheektowaga, it is not a priority to clean up the streets or the uncountable parking lots. The only time that Cheektowaga does not look filthy is right after a foot of snow falls on it, which happens every night from Thanksgiving till Memorial Day.

Anyway, I was in possesion of the rare chance to overhear the conversations of nearly two dozen people who were the product of at least six decades of this environment. There was a time in our history, barely more than a generation ago, when the mere fact of being old meant that you were a magic combination of wise, brave, lucky, healthy, and all around worth listening to. You would not have commanded respect, you would have earned it. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. Through the miracle of modern medical science any friggin idiot can be old and now the elderly have to be subjected to the same scrutiny and filtering as everyone else. Unintended consequences.
In the midst of all these Cheektowagites there was a couple who has lived in Alaska for the last 40 years and was flying to Buffalo to visit their grandchildren. I wanted so badly to tell all the other FOPs to shut the hell up so I could listen to the people who were actually interesting. A younger, crueler me perhaps. Time to get on the plane. Another hour to see my rabid wife and kids. Too long.
5/25/00 5:15 from the palm.